I am very good at disguising how I really feel. Very Very good. I should have been an actor, but that field has too many drama queens. Not a fan of drama queens. If only more people went into acting because of acting. Instead of the "prestige" and fame that can be attained by "making it."

I was surprised that Shannon was scared the other night. She asked what was going on, so I told her. She didn't like my visage. G asked me the other day why I was tired.
"I'm not tired. I'm just not a happy person."

When I want I can be happy. Sad if the situation calls for it. I'm always happy. At least in persona. When I allow the nature of my disturbed being to be known, obviously to the public, that is because I desire it so. I do not mean this as boast, it's just a part of what I am.

I have broken off with the greatest potential, through mine eyes, than I ever thought possible. It was through mine eyes that I caused all of my turmoil. My perspective was flawed and I am paying for it now. I am not blaming myself, there is no real blame to be made. The source of all the trauma lies in the party. I was merely swirling the water.

It has been a month, since I departed on this venture of singularity. I have continually endured much pain and strife through this entire period but have disguised every moment with being contented. Now I am allowing some water to break through the cracks. I do not know if it will make me feel better. It may or it may not, but it will definitely be a change.