I'm going to hike HHHHAAVVVVVAAAAAAASSSUUUUUPPPPAAAAAAAIIIIII!!!!!!!!
The other night G and I were at Applebee's happy hour and a girl he knew in High School for a short time met up with us with her friend. I have known her for really only a little over a week. She brought up that she is leaving to hike Havasupai this weekend. We were talking about it and she invited me with her Havasupai group because an extra slot had opened up. I said I wouldn't go unless G would be able to, and in the end it worked out and we leave tonight. This changes my traveling plans a bit, no more LA, but instead will go straight from Supai to San Francisco. But come on, it's Havasupai!!
------
My mother found out about the breakup with K, which led into an interesting discussion. She wanted to know why and I told her why K left me. The piece of 'advise' that can sum up why, "when you are in a relationship you have to spend so much energy on relationship you dont have enough energy for yourself." There are multiple reasons why this piece of advise is counterproductive and extremely harmful, especially in this instance, when it was given.
Later I will elaborate philosophically why this advise is crud, but I have one major focal point that I want to address. I alluded to this piece of advise in an earlier post, but there I was vague, here I shall be direct and honest, and without remorse. The problem I shall discuss is from whom this advise was given.
This advise was given from K's father. Some back story is needed in order to understand the context. The Father has never liked my existence and my relationship with K. The wonderful mother figure has tried to help the situation, and also provide reasons for his uncomfortable way in dealing with me. "He is like that to younger men." Well that would be an acceptable response, if his behavior towards myself was consistent. Which it never has. He didn't act like this when I first started dating her, but his demeanor changed after the first time we broke up. They never knew that she fucked another guy, but more or less probably thought that I was just stringing her along, and being fickle with my engagement. They never knew the truth, and they never will. But I digress, his behavior has been sporatic and inconsistent, so the model behavior they have presented is invalid. This was something that I knew while we were together, but other information has come out since we have been seperated.
I have since learned how the brother has known that Father has hated me for quite some time. Whenever my name is mentioned Father releases the sigh. This type of sigh is an exasperation of emotion in connection to something that is in disagreement. I was talking with Brother, and mentioned how he is the only thing from old that I shall not let go of, and found it interesting that his Father's disagreement with me would not affect our relationship, like it had with Daddy's little girl. He said it does though, because he cannot mention my name around Father without causing the sigh, or altering his mood for the negative. The Father figure does not want me with Daddy's little girl.
The advise that he gave was not for her own good, but his own. I sincerely believe that he did not do this out of malicious intent, but it would serve his own personal interests. Just like the guy who is doing favors for the girl who he likes. He sincerely believes he is doing good for the person, but the real intent is that he wanted to be with her. It is a laden, hidden and tacit agenda. His advise works out because he gets her to leave me and the stress of our relationship, even though the girl has said, that I was not a burden on her, and she had no problem with the our relationship. The problem laid out does not follow with actions that she followed. Either she really did buy her father's advise and followed him like a sheep and worked herself to her disadvantage, or there has been a hidden reason the entire time. It is entirely true that she is just a girl out of her senses and following poor advise like a lemming, but I find that there is most likely something contrary.
The first thing my mother said when I told her the phrase that kept ringing true to her, she said "oh god, i feel so sorry for her." She felt this way because she said that she has given much thought to K leaving and trying to make a career in film. She felt bad for her, because when she leaves she now will be truly alone. What comforted my mother in K's journey, was that she was leaving all of her comfort and security, but when she was in her new city and land, having that little bit of security in our, what she believed was a very good and secure relationship was going to be huge in her acclimation. As opposed to Father, my mother and I both understand and recognize why K must leave and attempt this. I was telling K she had to leave, when I was the one who had the most of anyone to lose. My mother understands why K has to because she did the same in her youth with a modeling career. My mother has done what K is going to do, and she said she now fears for her now. Diving into a new career is terrifying because of the prospect of uncertainty, but that little bit of security is what helps you make it through so that you can be successful. Without it my mother said she never would have made it.
------
I just put together two events.
The week before my birthday, my boy who is with his cancerous mother in Missouri asked K how our relationship would work when she moved. She said with upmost confidence that it would be fine, the drive is short and we would do whatever we could to see each other. I was in a different conversation but peaked into theirs. Hearing her say that quite a bit of confidence that we did indeed have a strong chance making it work over distance.
Then about two weeks later, she ran into the boy's girlfriend and she asked the same question. The response was wholly different. She was skittish, nervous and didn't really answer the question. She avoided it because she didn't know how to tell the girlfriend how she wanted out.
Two short weeks made a lot of difference.
-------
I leave for my journey in a few hours. The weather forecast has alarmed people that the weather is going to be perfect. How that calls for alarm I dont know. Something too good to be true probably isn't. I wonder of that is what they were getting at. If so then that is completely appropriate for me, it would hold true for so many other things in my life as well.
Half of this post was written out of complete anger and vexation. But much of it I will let go, because the Father will become a distant memory and i no longer have to deal with him, and hopefully his like ever again. His part is over, too bad he made it at parts so difficult and unnecessarily stressful. As a girl said, who knows the situation and carries feminine sympathy, "that man has been such a thorn in your guys relationship." So true. So true.
------
Had my final day of work yesterday, it was nice and chill, and a co-worker and I totally boozed it up. It was the first time I had ever drank on the job, but apparently I had gained a reputation of doing this on a not so uncommon frequency. Have no idea how I managed that. Other than being groggy, and have never been inebriated at work before. Good times.
My eight days of inebriation shall come to a close for thine mistress. She is tough, strong, and never fickle. One must be fully hydrated to handle Havasupai. Here we go.
The other night G and I were at Applebee's happy hour and a girl he knew in High School for a short time met up with us with her friend. I have known her for really only a little over a week. She brought up that she is leaving to hike Havasupai this weekend. We were talking about it and she invited me with her Havasupai group because an extra slot had opened up. I said I wouldn't go unless G would be able to, and in the end it worked out and we leave tonight. This changes my traveling plans a bit, no more LA, but instead will go straight from Supai to San Francisco. But come on, it's Havasupai!!
------
My mother found out about the breakup with K, which led into an interesting discussion. She wanted to know why and I told her why K left me. The piece of 'advise' that can sum up why, "when you are in a relationship you have to spend so much energy on relationship you dont have enough energy for yourself." There are multiple reasons why this piece of advise is counterproductive and extremely harmful, especially in this instance, when it was given.
Later I will elaborate philosophically why this advise is crud, but I have one major focal point that I want to address. I alluded to this piece of advise in an earlier post, but there I was vague, here I shall be direct and honest, and without remorse. The problem I shall discuss is from whom this advise was given.
This advise was given from K's father. Some back story is needed in order to understand the context. The Father has never liked my existence and my relationship with K. The wonderful mother figure has tried to help the situation, and also provide reasons for his uncomfortable way in dealing with me. "He is like that to younger men." Well that would be an acceptable response, if his behavior towards myself was consistent. Which it never has. He didn't act like this when I first started dating her, but his demeanor changed after the first time we broke up. They never knew that she fucked another guy, but more or less probably thought that I was just stringing her along, and being fickle with my engagement. They never knew the truth, and they never will. But I digress, his behavior has been sporatic and inconsistent, so the model behavior they have presented is invalid. This was something that I knew while we were together, but other information has come out since we have been seperated.
I have since learned how the brother has known that Father has hated me for quite some time. Whenever my name is mentioned Father releases the sigh. This type of sigh is an exasperation of emotion in connection to something that is in disagreement. I was talking with Brother, and mentioned how he is the only thing from old that I shall not let go of, and found it interesting that his Father's disagreement with me would not affect our relationship, like it had with Daddy's little girl. He said it does though, because he cannot mention my name around Father without causing the sigh, or altering his mood for the negative. The Father figure does not want me with Daddy's little girl.
The advise that he gave was not for her own good, but his own. I sincerely believe that he did not do this out of malicious intent, but it would serve his own personal interests. Just like the guy who is doing favors for the girl who he likes. He sincerely believes he is doing good for the person, but the real intent is that he wanted to be with her. It is a laden, hidden and tacit agenda. His advise works out because he gets her to leave me and the stress of our relationship, even though the girl has said, that I was not a burden on her, and she had no problem with the our relationship. The problem laid out does not follow with actions that she followed. Either she really did buy her father's advise and followed him like a sheep and worked herself to her disadvantage, or there has been a hidden reason the entire time. It is entirely true that she is just a girl out of her senses and following poor advise like a lemming, but I find that there is most likely something contrary.
The first thing my mother said when I told her the phrase that kept ringing true to her, she said "oh god, i feel so sorry for her." She felt this way because she said that she has given much thought to K leaving and trying to make a career in film. She felt bad for her, because when she leaves she now will be truly alone. What comforted my mother in K's journey, was that she was leaving all of her comfort and security, but when she was in her new city and land, having that little bit of security in our, what she believed was a very good and secure relationship was going to be huge in her acclimation. As opposed to Father, my mother and I both understand and recognize why K must leave and attempt this. I was telling K she had to leave, when I was the one who had the most of anyone to lose. My mother understands why K has to because she did the same in her youth with a modeling career. My mother has done what K is going to do, and she said she now fears for her now. Diving into a new career is terrifying because of the prospect of uncertainty, but that little bit of security is what helps you make it through so that you can be successful. Without it my mother said she never would have made it.
------
I just put together two events.
The week before my birthday, my boy who is with his cancerous mother in Missouri asked K how our relationship would work when she moved. She said with upmost confidence that it would be fine, the drive is short and we would do whatever we could to see each other. I was in a different conversation but peaked into theirs. Hearing her say that quite a bit of confidence that we did indeed have a strong chance making it work over distance.
Then about two weeks later, she ran into the boy's girlfriend and she asked the same question. The response was wholly different. She was skittish, nervous and didn't really answer the question. She avoided it because she didn't know how to tell the girlfriend how she wanted out.
Two short weeks made a lot of difference.
-------
I leave for my journey in a few hours. The weather forecast has alarmed people that the weather is going to be perfect. How that calls for alarm I dont know. Something too good to be true probably isn't. I wonder of that is what they were getting at. If so then that is completely appropriate for me, it would hold true for so many other things in my life as well.
Half of this post was written out of complete anger and vexation. But much of it I will let go, because the Father will become a distant memory and i no longer have to deal with him, and hopefully his like ever again. His part is over, too bad he made it at parts so difficult and unnecessarily stressful. As a girl said, who knows the situation and carries feminine sympathy, "that man has been such a thorn in your guys relationship." So true. So true.
------
Had my final day of work yesterday, it was nice and chill, and a co-worker and I totally boozed it up. It was the first time I had ever drank on the job, but apparently I had gained a reputation of doing this on a not so uncommon frequency. Have no idea how I managed that. Other than being groggy, and have never been inebriated at work before. Good times.
My eight days of inebriation shall come to a close for thine mistress. She is tough, strong, and never fickle. One must be fully hydrated to handle Havasupai. Here we go.
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